Kid in a Candy Store, or Careerist?

Last week, I was a guest speaker at my alma mater's Career Day. And as I suspected, I learned more from the kids at my former high school than I could ever teach.

I met with an eclectic group, including a screenwriter who also considers himself a novelist, a personal essayist, and a newspaper editor. Across from me was a published author of several fantasy novels. She shared how great it feels to hear from kids who read her books and parents excited to try her work because their children love it. One girl said she collects hardback editions and loves to see them lined up. None of them own e-readers.

One young man said he was curious but not "aspirational" when it came to writing. He asked some great questions and stayed engaged the whole time. The personal essayist said she didn't feel led to see her work published; she wrote for herself, for pleasure.


A listening audience of 16 and 17 year-olds will hold a mirror up, that's for sure. As they politely let me chat away at super speed, I could see a gal full of self-publishing tips: a woman eager to share what she's learned lately about royalties; someone fascinated by cover design, platforms, self-pub gurus, and launch planning. In other words, I was all business.

I can't get these kids out of my mind, because they represent to me something I lose every day when I'm too much business. Whatever I do in this writing career, I must never lose the joy of writing. That "kid in a candy store" feel I had at age nine, writing pages and pages, just because the spirit moved me--that little girl must stay strong inside.

Kids in a candy store have two missions: get massive quantities, and go for the sugar high. Writing has always been a delightful grab fest for me, gulping down great words, addictive, and energizing. A rollercoaster charging down the hill, guaranteed to get you happy. Pure fun. I met kids last week who write for fun.


When the young author shrugged that her books weren't vetted by "real people," I offered some thoughts about the demise of the Big Six (now the Big Four) and how these traditional publishers are getting replaced by The Crowd on the web, one that can tell you directly what The People want to read. I wish I'd asked her, "Why did you write these books? For the supposed editors, agents, and publishers--or for you and your dreams? Don't lose that muse and passion, that joy in crafting your stories. At the end of the day, that love is what we're guaranteed."

I took too literally my charge of being a Career Gal on Career Day. I wanted to be professional and glossy, sleek haired and elegant, admirable and driven. I do believe I appeared driven. But why so much sound and fury about this vaulting ambition? If I have no love, as the good St. Paul once said, I'm nothing but a banging gong, loud and brassy, full of sounds guaranteed to fade away.

As I travel this week, I'll have an old-school pen and an old-school pad of paper in hand. I'll get back to writing the way I did at an eager age nine. Maybe once again I'll sit outdoors on a porch, hearing sounds of nature and silence, the wonderful world of writing in the palm of my hand.

Finding My True North

It's hard to believe that a year ago, I was struggling to edit yet another draft of my novel and hoping it might be the version my agent would be willing to shop to publishers.

I would have never imagined a year later I'd have already published a collection of short stories and be on my way to  launching my debut novel. That after almost a decade of work on the former and three years on the latter, I'd be enjoying an adventurous, never-a-dull-day year of publishing on my own terms.

I might say I've found my true north.

The idiom captures the difficulty of knowing one's right direction in a world of magnetic forces that would have us wander this way or that. I spent two years of my life querying agents, working with one for over a year, and revising the manuscript constantly according to potential market specs. There were some dark moments of staring at a screen in a panic (my words have failed me!); arguing on a phone (you think the point of my novel is to get 16 year-old girls of bland suburban tastes to read it? Who ARE said girls--I don't know them!); or questioning my own instincts about Wendy's character (are you clinging unreasonably to her beliefs and obsessions?).  I wondered if I'd deluded myself that I ever had a chance in this business.

I had to regroup and let my faith rally, and I had to remind myself that I am a writer, first, last, always. Not a second of that wandering and wondering was a waste. Every moment taught me skills and strengthened muscle for the moments I live now, full of trust my words are beginning to have a reach I've dreamed about.

No, my numbers haven't knocked the Kindle best-sellers out of the park. But slowly, surely, great news trickles in daily, after two months of only a Kindle edition. A friend 3,000 miles away wants a signed copy of the collection, now that my paperback came out last week. A group of high school students will be discussing "Midrift." Eight wonderful reviews are up on Amazon. Kind, unsolicited emails arrive from readers. An interview will happen next week on a nationally-syndicated radio show.

I'm having a lot of fun, too. I'm sharing my cover design with friends, family, and a support team, seeking people's gut reactions and design eye. I'm talking sales and marketing with my dad, and getting requests for images and URLs from my web designer. I'm arranging head shots with a former student, Teresa Porter, who is pursuing her dream of photography--now a busy professional winning awards and penning a blog that's gone viral, because she's speaking her true north-truth.

"Can you believe we're here?" she said to me the other day. "You getting published, and me with a photography business?"

My first reaction was to laugh with delight. Those who know the intense type-A worrier that I am can attest this is not my typical first reaction to things. Which tells me I'm true-northing it right now, truly.

I am also very excited about a co-operative venture I and two other devoted students of Doris Betts have recently undertaken: True North Writers and Publishers. Bob Mustin and Dave Frauenfelder, my partners in this venture, are passionate, gifted writers with whom I'm honored to be associated. We encourage one another's work, promote it, and plan some exciting events for signing and sharing this summer.

Our first precept is Scribere quam videre scribere. To write rather than to seem to write. (If you know the North Carolina state motto--Esse quam videri, To be rather than to seem (to be)--and if you try to write regularly, you know what we mean!) We're NC writers sharing authentic writing for the New South, and we will keep each other honest in this endeavor.

My ship sees its way clear right now, the waters glassy with calm, the lighthouse straight ahead. My compass doesn't waver. I know that when the clouds gather, the sky roars, and the swells rise, I'll have to grab a little bit tighter to that instrument and trust, trust, trust. But for now, I'm loving the peace and the joy of following my true path. So grateful I'm able to be here!



Check out the Kindle edition of The Flat and Weightless Tang-Filled Future or the paperback edition.